it was like his penis was on wheels.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
