I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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