apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize