two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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