Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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