I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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