You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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