forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
he just fucked me for my cheese.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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