Ambien. No doubt about it.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
