Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
