Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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