youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
