I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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