You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
