I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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