P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
