If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
