my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
