I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
