Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
