nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
