Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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