He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
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Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
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Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize