There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
