God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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