Hey man sorry I got all grabby
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
