Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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