you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
