i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Watching her eat just hurts me
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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