THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
