The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
