Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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