my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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