Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
