This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Vodka?
Forever.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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