I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize