I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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