Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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