today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
