I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
