I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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