It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
