did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
