how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
