She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
