omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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