why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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