Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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