I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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