good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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