I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
