I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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