Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
