you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
