i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
My hand turned me down
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
