I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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