I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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