my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I FOUND THE LEGS
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
