Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
